Home perm: SMS #67

SMS67#2 Home perm
J said the home perm kit had to be used. I said I wasn’t all that thrilled. She said even though it’s called a perm, it will grow out. I asked how long, she said about six feet. Sydney keeps shouting curly at me. I am trying to imagine life without him. Stupid bird.

Lost phone: SMS #61a

SMS61a #2 Lost phone
I’ve lost my phone and that’s not the all of it. Sydney’s got his feet sticking out the front. He said he was using them as air brakes, thus preventing me from getting a nasty whack on the back of the head. He said he learnt that in Toronto. I said he didn’t go to Toronto.
The long and the short of it, my phone is lost and Sydney is squawking at me. Sometimes I think the top of my head will explode. If only help were at hand.

Guffaws: SMS #61

SMS61 #2 Guffaws
Well, I told J that Sydney had returned. She said Sydney who? I said Sydney Seagull, you know our redbeak friend. Well she said, imagine that, then she seemed to wander off guffawing. I just can’t fathom her sometimes. Anyway, turns out I have to go shopping.

Sydney’s back: SMS #60

SMS60 #2 Syd's back
Well he is back. What a story. He didn’t make it to Canada, got caught in a northerly and mistook the Remutakas for the Rockies. Ended up in Featherston, thinking it was Toronto (apparently not a common mistake). Still I am so pleased to see him. I imagine he probably had a very tough time, though his plumage is in good shape. I must tell him to tone down the squawks while I work out how to tell J of his return.

Reading the memo: SMS #54

SMS54 #2 Reading the memo
A change in the cartoonist?

 

Memo to all shareholders, staff, and the cartoonist

As promised this is the announcement I signalled to you yesterday. I am excited to announce the Morning Squawk will now be published on Instagram sydneysquawk (no caps, no gaps) as well as on https://redbeakdiaries.com/ which is probably where you are reading this.

Thank you to those who contacted me following yesterday’s letter about today’s announcement. I was surprised at the number who believed there would be a change in cartoonist. This cannot happen because any sacking of the current cartoonist would result in him spending more time with his family. Imagine.

From the editor

Is there any … ? SMS #53

SMS53 #2I s there any you know what
Is there any … you know what?

From the editor

Good morning. Following a robust policy and operational discussion, the management team has decided to make a major change with the Morning Squawk section of our publications holdings. A full disclosure of the changes (and they will be substantial) will be made at 9 am tomorrow.

In the meantime the advice of the directors is to retain individual shareholding and not be tempted by the ludicrous offerings currently being made. Please be assurred that there is no truth to the rumour that the shares will soon be downgraded to junk bond status.

I apologise for this morning’s cartoon – there again I have felt like appologising for the cartoons on a number of occassions.

With kind regards

The editor

Ps No there isn’t any ‘you know what’ – the dolt forgot to buy it.

Trial pack: SMS #45

SMS45 Trial pack#2
Felt like a total egg. I was just doing a trial pack of the shopping bags, ready for level 2. J came in and laughed till she fell over. She said I do not need to do a trial pack, she said all I need to do is the shopping. But not yet. Not until level 2. I started to tell her I knew that… But its difficult to… Well never mind.

Shopping bags: SMS #44

SMS44 Shopping bags
Took my shopping bags for a walk this morning. Just a practice. Apparently we are maybe, just maybe, shifting to level 2 and I will be able to go to the shops. By the way, as far as Sydney is concerned, no news is good news. He must be far and away. Maybe he has met a lumber jack, or perhaps he joined the Mounties. Either way things are much more relaxed at home without him.