Reading the memo: SMS #54

SMS54 #2 Reading the memo
A change in the cartoonist?

 

Memo to all shareholders, staff, and the cartoonist

As promised this is the announcement I signalled to you yesterday. I am excited to announce the Morning Squawk will now be published on Instagram sydneysquawk (no caps, no gaps) as well as on https://redbeakdiaries.com/ which is probably where you are reading this.

Thank you to those who contacted me following yesterday’s letter about today’s announcement. I was surprised at the number who believed there would be a change in cartoonist. This cannot happen because any sacking of the current cartoonist would result in him spending more time with his family. Imagine.

From the editor

Is there any … ? SMS #53

SMS53 #2I s there any you know what
Is there any … you know what?

From the editor

Good morning. Following a robust policy and operational discussion, the management team has decided to make a major change with the Morning Squawk section of our publications holdings. A full disclosure of the changes (and they will be substantial) will be made at 9 am tomorrow.

In the meantime the advice of the directors is to retain individual shareholding and not be tempted by the ludicrous offerings currently being made. Please be assurred that there is no truth to the rumour that the shares will soon be downgraded to junk bond status.

I apologise for this morning’s cartoon – there again I have felt like appologising for the cartoons on a number of occassions.

With kind regards

The editor

Ps No there isn’t any ‘you know what’ – the dolt forgot to buy it.

Trial pack: SMS #45

SMS45 Trial pack#2
Felt like a total egg. I was just doing a trial pack of the shopping bags, ready for level 2. J came in and laughed till she fell over. She said I do not need to do a trial pack, she said all I need to do is the shopping. But not yet. Not until level 2. I started to tell her I knew that… But its difficult to… Well never mind.

Shopping bags: SMS #44

SMS44 Shopping bags
Took my shopping bags for a walk this morning. Just a practice. Apparently we are maybe, just maybe, shifting to level 2 and I will be able to go to the shops. By the way, as far as Sydney is concerned, no news is good news. He must be far and away. Maybe he has met a lumber jack, or perhaps he joined the Mounties. Either way things are much more relaxed at home without him.

 

Letters of complaint: SMS#31

SMS31 Letters of complaint#2
Good morning to you all
It has been brought to my attention that this cartoon series is seriously flawed. The two major reasons; one the artist can’t draw and it is time to replace him, and two his themes are all over the shop with many loose ends never being tied up.
My response to complaint one: I have informed him (the artist) that many regard him as a talentless layabout. He responded by resigning on the spot. He said it would give him more time to spend with his family. I turned his resignation down flat. Frankly, the prospect of him spending more time with his family makes me all shaky.
I have yet to discuss complaint number two with him. I am not sure if I have the fortitude to bring it up.
Yours sincerely
The editor

 

Another day in lockdown

I’m enjoying friend M’s daily recounting of life in Covid-19 lockdown at Lockdown Wellington 2020. It’s such strange times. No point in me recounting my days. There’s very little variation from one day to the next to life in the bubble.  It’s a matter of hunkering down and getting through. Daily walks were a bit thin on the ground for me for the first couple of weeks or so, but now (because I have a step counter) I’m trying to get an average of 10,000 steps a day. Not too difficult. Even today, when I didn’t go for a walk, I managed over 6000 steps. And that’s because I spent a fair bit of the day in the garden, digging, lifting, shifting in my version of garden musical chairs.

I’m walking rather like tin woman tonight – a combination of today’s gardening on top of a bit of an overstretch (for me) of more than 14,000 steps on Wednesday (though I know that’s chicken feed to my cyclist and serious walker friends). But it wasn’t the step count, per se, that caused the aches but rather the endless steps down from Amritsar to Rangiora Street. I knew it would be tough on the knee but wasn’t quite so prepared for the effect on the calf muscles. Still, I’m grateful I could do it. If you want the details about the gardening musical chairs, check out Haphazard Gardener.

A day of remembrance tomorrow with Anzac Day. Among those we’re remembering is great Uncle George, my grandad’s brother who died in first world war. We have a memorial medallion with his name on it, as was given to all next of kin of service personnel who were killed in the first world war. So young.

Keep safe, everyone, and be kind.

 

 

Lighthouses and landscapes

We spent the last of summer travelling around the lower North Island, avoiding Highway 1 as best we could and taking time for detours along the way. We took a fortnight – last week of February, first week of March – and snagged what arguably was the best weather of the summer. Lots of lighthouses and beautiful landscapes and coastlines.

I recorded our journey in a daily blog, Lighthouses and Landscapes. In these days of Covid-19 lockdown, I thought it would be a good project to convert the blog into a journal, as I’ve done with some other trip blogs. But this time, with much help and encouragement from friend M from T, I decided to make it an online-only journal rather than one to be printed. You can check out the results at Lighthouses and landscapes. North Island road trip 2020. For best viewing, use the Full Screen view.

Happy vicarious road tripping.

Omelettes

What is there not to like about omelettes. Particularly if the omelette is paired with a home-made apple and carrot sausage patty (don’t panic yet, I use readymade sausage meat). The apple and carrot sausage recipe is next up in the cooking department. I made them this morning and took a heap of photos. Now, in the meantime, cook you and your partner an omelette and serve it up with . . . hmm, some bacon maybe.

You can find the recipe here: Omelette recipe

J is confused: SMS #19

SMS19 J confused
J is confused about the tartan trousers (not PJs). I explained. I found them on the remaindered remainder rack of the buyer’s remorse section at a large shop that has a wide variety of goods of varying utility. I, being one to never walk past a stunning deal, got the last two pairs, hence when one pair ended up in the bin, there was the second pair ready and waiting.

 

The pen ran out: SMS #17

SMS17 The pen has run out#2
I am worried about Syd’s whereabouts. I am sure he will come back and probably tomorrow, however when we were in France back in 2012, he disappeared and when he finally turned up, he was the leader of a group of pigeons he met in Marseille. Still that’s another story. J thinks the worry is making me fade away. I said that is not the case; it is just that my pen ran out when I was doing the face bit. I fully expect to roar back into life tomorrow when I will have found my new pen. Also, I am determined to stay positive, maybe dear old Syd will pop out of the blue.

 

 

 

Clarification: SMS #16

From the editor

Thank you for all those who have sent cards, flowers and chocolates in the belief that the Sydney’s Morning Squawk artist suffered a nasty injury through falling over in the street. Please be assured that the artist is in rude good health and will get an editorial clip around the ear for worrying so many people. In addition, please be assured that Sydney has never been harmed in the production of the cartoons.

The offending cartoon passed the editorial process through some sleight of hand on the part of my staff. There are now comprehensive protocols, processes and policies in place that will ensure this situation will not recur. The artist did offer to resign, giving as grounds a desire to spend more time with his family. I knocked that on the head tout de suite.

In the meantime, I have enjoyed the chocolates. Remember to continue to send all cards, flowers, and chocolates to the editor and never directly to the staff.

Best wishes and stay safe.

The editor

 

SMH07 Jan reads the Tubby Boat news , Vancouver

Done a bunk: SMS #15

SMS15 Sydneys done a bunk#3
This is J editing. I know it is not easy. Trouble is though, Sydney saw the red penning of his squawk yesterday. He flew off in a huff and hasn’t appeared since. J and I are very worried. J is worried he will show up again and I am worried he won’t. I cannot imagine not seeing him again. J says the main problem is that I imagined seeing him in the first place. Sometimes. I think J lacks empathy though I wouldn’t say it out loud.

False squawk: SMS #14

SMS14 out of hospital
False squawk. Turns out the ambulance, sirens and lights were not needed. As Sydney pointed out J had tied the face mask too tight and once at hospital it was removed and I came round quite quickly. They did though, remove the tartan trousers. It was a bit painful; took off all the hairs in the lower regions. Be warned, don’t let the hairs on your legs grow through the fabric of your trousers. The calamine lotion helps. The hospital gave me some shorts to wear. J picked me up from the footpath outside the hospital. The good news is no one bothered me on the footpath.