For the sake of peace and quiet I am helping Syd mark J’s words. I hope Syd learns a lesson from this. He is truly the author of unimaginable trouble and strife.
After a huge row I managed to settle things down. J said she would put the catapult back in the cupboard provided Syd marked her words. I said I would ensure he complied.
Typical, stupid bird. J’s looking for him and I am desperately trying to unimagine him. If I can banish Syd from my mind then maybe the catapult will follow.
Flee Syd, flee. It seems the best option. He needs to find safe harbour elsewhere. Wait till the dust settles and then come home quietly. I can’t imagine life without him, but it’s best to do just that.
She heard all right and now she is looking for Syd. I said he’s just a figment of my imagination. She said so’s the catapult.
He said it alright. Said J looks like an onion. I told him off till I was blue in the face. He flew off shrieking that Red Beaks are protected.
Calamity, just calamity. I hope he didn’t say it, and if he did, I hope J didn’t hear him. There’s trouble brewing if she did.
From the archive: Park Inn, near Heathrow, the check-in ahead of us had four large matching bags. We had two back packs. The bell-hop identified us as CNHS (clearly not his sort) and didn’t race over with a trolley.
No more space station, back to the Mp3. Have to wear the hat because of the sticking plaster. Sometimes I wish I could unimagine Syd. Life would be easier without him.
Bit of a nightmare last night and the world seems different this morning. Trying to figure out what has changed. Maybe I have been hacked.
It’s amazing at night. Really good reception; every time the space station goes over head, I get Major Tom clear as a bell, and still no batteries. I think J is happy for me.
What a victory. J agreed I could continue with the perm stuff until the end. And that won’t be anytime soon. After all, ‘perm’ is short for permanent. So, take that.
I have been told to stop banging on about the perm. So here from the archive is Arriving in Bayonne in the Pouring Rain. Now I am off to have a ‘discussion’ with the editor. And we all know how that will end up.
I told J that I could hear Major Tom every so often. She said she could fix that. Not sure what she is going to do?
Perms are really easy to manage, and best of all this one lets me tune into the space station every time it goes over head. Magic really. No batteries needed.
From the archive. Reg fancied a quick coffee but it all turned pear-shaped. The coffee ended up as sidewalk varnish.
J said the home perm kit had to be used. I said I wasn’t all that thrilled. She said even though it’s called a perm, it will grow out. I asked how long, she said about six feet. Sydney keeps shouting curly at me. I am trying to imagine life without him. Stupid bird.
Calamity, calamity. Sydney had found a shopping list, but not the shopping list. J looked at the home perm kit and then looked at me. After a time she said, well this won’t go to waste. Stupid bird. How could I have been so gullible.
Shopper of the year has a ring to it. I got everything on the list, even the home perm and fringe management stuff. Yes, shopper of the year, that’s me.
I dropped the list, oh what a calamity. Like a bolt from the blue, Syd found it. What a bird, what a bird. I managed to catch him smiling, and in flight, and with his legs tucked under his bottom. Truly Syd leaves me in awe.
I found my phone, I found my phone. Well alright Syd, it wasn’t actually me. It was the Sushi woman, the shoe sales lady, the security guy and, the cleaner at the J’ville food court. Oh, the relief.
I’ve lost my phone and that’s not the all of it. Sydney’s got his feet sticking out the front. He said he was using them as air brakes, thus preventing me from getting a nasty whack on the back of the head. He said he learnt that in Toronto. I said he didn’t go to Toronto. The long and the short of it, my phone is lost and Sydney is squawking at me. Sometimes I think the top of my head will explode. If only help were at hand.
Yes well, J really got stuck into me about not losing the list. Syd was banging on about it too. Getting it from both sides was a bit much. I was tempted to ask J what she was doing about her fringe. As for Sydney, hmm, better not to ask.
Setting off shopping was a doddle except that I forgot the list. I felt a real chump. Sydney didn’t help. He’s always bleating on about something, couldn’t quite make it out.